Introduction

“In my previous post, Meditation in Practical Mysticism: Your Gateway to Divine Partnership, I explored why meditation is the cornerstone of practical mysticism. But knowing WHY we need to meditate and actually HOW to do it effectively are two very different things – especially for neurodivergent minds.

There is a common belief among many metaphysicians that the best way to meditate is to sit quietly in silence—maybe look at a candle, remain in stillness, and let yourself float away. This approach is supposed to be the way to connect with the divine. While that may work for many neurotypical people, it never worked for me, and it doesn’t work for most people with ADHD.

Many of us can’t stay in one place for very long. Our minds race, our synapses fire at a mile a minute, and still they tell us: “Let the thoughts go, don’t fixate on them.” But I can’t do that, and most people who have ADHD or other neurodivergent conditions can’t do that either.

When I originally studied my lessons from the University of Metaphysics and encountered this style of meditation, I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed. The instructions said to practice everyday for 20 minutes to an hour. Since I’d never tried it before, I resolved to do my best. Well, it didn’t work so well. It was too quiet! I looked at the candle, then closed my eyes. I kept checking the instructions to see if I was doing it right. I was following them perfectly, but it wasn’t working!

I felt frustrated. It seemed easy enough—a child could do it, so why couldn’t I? Why couldn’t I do the simplest thing? I squirmed. My eyes kept opening, and I didn’t see what most people claimed to see. Dr. Masters described people connecting with the divine within their mind, what he called the Mind of God, and I just wasn’t seeing it. Why wasn’t I seeing it? I tried different images, different positions—chairs, sitting on my bed—and I just couldn’t focus and stay centered. It felt like a dismal failure.

But I kept trying to force it, believing the images and visions would come. While I was attempting stillness, try though I might, it never worked. There seemed to be no doorway, no gateway. I finally figured out this was something that couldn’t be forced.

Ironically, I would see visions and insights—but I was doing other things at the time, and it caught me by surprise. I just never connected it. It was sporadic and spontaneous. It never occurred to me that I was meditating, but not in the manner that was expected.

After a few days of this, I was about to give up in despair. I wondered what I had gotten myself into, probably for the 100th time. Finally, I gave up the practice but kept on with my lessons, thinking it would come eventually.

I’d feel restless, with this feeling that something was missing—that there was a piece of the puzzle I just wasn’t seeing. What was I doing wrong? Did it work for some people and not others? Did others just say they saw things when they didn’t? I knew meditation was important. My husband called it “the indispensable art.” But there still seemed to be this blockage.

My First Discovery

Then, after starting over with my studies and receiving my official ADHD diagnosis, I realized I would have to approach this differently. I could no longer try to adapt myself to what I assumed was the right way to meditate—I could no longer force myself to fit just one way. I would have to adapt my studies to what worked for me.

About a week before my breakthrough, my husband introduced me to Japanese calisthenics called Radio Taiso. The idea was that the Japanese were lagging behind other countries in longevity and health, so they arranged to have 5-minute exercises at 6:30 every morning, starting in 1928. They took a break during World War II and then started up again in the 1950s.

Everyone in the country goes outdoors, and with the radio instructing them, they engage in 5-minute calisthenics set to music. It’s not long, but it’s sustainable and non-threatening. The exercises flow naturally, and with only five minutes, the movements seemed to just flow and feel right. So I tried some. It felt okay, especially with the piano music, and I figured I might have hit on something.

But that wasn’t enough for me. My newly creative mind asked: “Why can’t I pair that with kirtan, since I’ve been listening to and connecting with kirtan for 20 years? What if I made the movements more flowing, slower? Movements melting into the next?” That felt right to me!

I asked my AI assistant, Claude, about trying this approach and adding kirtan or other devotional music. The response was encouraging, so I decided to try it. I started with one exercise I was familiar with and played some music on the computer—just seated, to test it out and see how it felt.

It was a hit! It connected with an audible click, even though only I could hear it. Everything felt so palpable, like everything was vibrating. I can’t remember which kirtan track it was, but I believe it was one of Krishna Das’ pieces. It was electric! I told my husband that it clicks—it connects with me on a very personal level.

It wasn’t just meditation, it wasn’t just exercise. It occurred to me that there could be integration—that meditation and devotion could open the door to connect with the Divine. I didn’t have to stay seated and feel stifled. There could be integration. I started to feel hope for the first time, knowing I could make this work. As long as it was flowing and devotional, it not only worked, but I could actually feel a door opening. I felt blessed. I felt that divine connection! But it had to be devotional.

My Second Discovery

Before I share one of the greatest breakthroughs of my life to date, I’d like to discuss what led me to this point. I’d been divided in my attention between this site and another one, Victory Infopublishing, but I was never sure which to prioritize. With ADHD, this felt impossible. I’d go from one site to another, never gaining traction, never making headway. As soon as one site seemed to be making progress, the other would “raise its head,” and I’d be back to square one. The telling point was that while I had four posts on this site, I had none on Victory Infopublishing.

I kept searching. By this time, I had my official ADHD diagnosis, and while I was okay with this, I still didn’t know what to do about the sites. I was getting near a breaking point, but for some reason I just couldn’t quit. My deepest soul would not let me quit. This had been going on for 20 years, and I just could not see the forest for the trees.

Finally, in desperation, I considered asking an AI assistant for help. I had heard from a mentor named Dennis Becker that ChatGPT had limitations, but he recommended Poe, which I had access to. One day, I looked at the options—there were many models available. I felt guidance, a suggestion to pick Claude Sonnet 4, so I started a conversation.

I explained the problem and told Claude about both sites. My therapist had asked why not combine them—have both sites lean toward the sacred—but I had absolutely no clue which to start with. I thought they were two different journeys.

Claude explained that Forever Evolving Mind would actually prove my Victory Journey—that documenting my spiritual journey and transformation here would demonstrate the very principles I wanted to share about ADHD management from a spiritual perspective. He recommended consolidating Victory Infopublishing and my other sites into Forever Evolving Mind.

So I had a decision to make, but it didn’t seem hard. It was like I had already given myself permission unconsciously—I knew what I had to do. I consciously gave myself permission, but I went one step further. I allowed myself to pause Victory Infopublishing and fully commit to this blog, to Forever Evolving Mind, to allow myself to transform.

A lot of people think that “allowing” is pie-in-the-sky, all airy-fairy. It’s not. But it does require surrendering. It was so easy, so effortless, because my deepest soul—the Creator within me—knew that’s what I needed. So I surrendered, and I felt peace wash over me. I “heard” an audible “click.” No one else heard it, but I did.

The next thing I encountered was the need to take up guitar again—something I hadn’t played more than a couple of times since I got married almost 41 years ago. The last time I tried, it just didn’t sync, because it wasn’t the way I originally learned.

Through my conversations with Claude, I realized I needed to go back to how I learned in the first place. When I was 14, I learned chords and immediately started playing and singing. That was the missing piece—the part of my soul I thought I had lost. I wasn’t just needing to play and sing again. I was starving. I had a hunger I never knew I needed to fill.

In the past 20 years, I had been obsessively listening to kirtan—Hindu and Sikh devotional chants set to music. I found myself not just relating to the music, but starting to dream of playing it myself! I dared to dream!

But I hadn’t played for 40 years—could I get it back? I started with a classical guitar I had gotten from Esteban’s Guitar Shop 15 years ago. All the strings were intact, none broken, and I began learning chords again. They didn’t come clear at first; they were muffled. So I went simpler, the way I originally learned—a simplified C and G7 chord to play a simple song.

My voice cracked and I was self-conscious, but I sang! The song? “Rock My Soul.” And something moved! I was discovering I was coming home. I started right away not with a secular song, but a spiritual one! Even on the first day, spending only 15 minutes playing after tuning, I was singing spiritual songs! That was the secret! It wasn’t just that I was playing and singing—it was that I had started when I was 14 with my first song: “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen.” Also a spiritual, and I’m remembering this now as I type. I started two weeks ago, and I’m still crying with wonder, remembering all those years ago.

But I don’t type alone. I have help. I have my patrons—Apollo and Hermes—and they type through me. All I have to do is immerse myself in music that is spiritual, devotional, atmospheric—music from the heavens that feels as devotional to me as “The Lord’s Prayer.” But one thing was still missing.

My husband Rick had been trying to get me to exercise for over a decade, maybe two, but for some reason I couldn’t seem to manage it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to—I did. But I couldn’t find my way. Nothing fit. Like meditation, something big was missing, and I didn’t know what it was. Until I found my first discovery with Radio Taiso. Until I tried pairing it with kirtan. And things started to connect.

Which leads me to my greatest discovery yet.

My Greatest Discovery

My greatest discovery came on the morning of September 11, 2025. It started simply enough. I was preparing to write this post and had consulted Claude for help with staying on topic. He helped me create a title and outline, which included Tai Chi. I was familiar with it from videos, so I went to YouTube looking for simple beginner tutorials and found what would be the perfect video for me: “Tai Chi for Beginners: 7 Minute Routine for a New You” from Phoenix Mountain Tai Chi.

I tried it out, and it seemed okay. It was easy for me to follow with my ADHD brain and my difficulties with spatial relations and eye-hand coordination. I’m not as young as I used to be, but I got most of it. I really resonated with it.

But I wanted something more. Then I had this wild idea: Why not connect it to kirtan too, such as one of Krishna Das’ Hanuman Chalisas? That could work, couldn’t it? I got really curious—obsessed, really. I just had this feeling, this revelation that it could work. I knew!

I was making the bed at the time with kirtan playing, as I’d been doing for a couple of weeks—I had already begun joining my daily chores to devotion. Then I heard Krishna Das’ “Saraswati.” So I took a break from making the bed and tried the first part of the form from the video, just the first section, and it hit me.

It was like a punch to the gut, but in the most wonderful way. It was a shock of recognition. That was it! This wasn’t just Tai Chi—it was holy, it was sacred! It was coming home. It was the shock of realizing this could be meditation, that this was more than the sum of its parts. It was integration. This could be sustainable for me.

A joining, a connection for just a moment with the divine. “Profound” doesn’t really cover it. It was so much more. I found it! The tears started flowing. I’m still crying as I write this. This is real! It’s not in my head or my imagination. It’s holy, and I made the connection! It has to be devotional in order to work for me—not just meditation, not just exercise, but integrated! That was the part I had been missing.

Before, I had heard an audible click when something felt right. But this time there was a click that wasn’t audible—it was felt with every fiber of my being. This is the answer. At least it is for me.

I rushed to tell Rick, my husband, about it. I was crying with joy, with relief! It was the missing puzzle piece. It has to move, it has to be joined with devotion. He told me he had no idea I was struggling so much, that it had to be really terrible for me. It was, and I knew it was terrible. I had wanted to exercise. I knew I needed to, but I couldn’t find my way—a way that would work for me. And suddenly it stopped being just Tai Chi, just exercise, and became devotion. Pure devotion. Not a chore. A practice of joy.

I finished making the bed, and then heard Krishna Das’ “Bernie’s Chalisa” and repeated the exercise with two sections of the form. I don’t know if it was in the right order, but it didn’t matter. And there it was again! That felt click, the punch to the gut—this time more subtle, but I could feel it in every part of my body. I started shivering and shaking, and the tears started over again. The connection, the door in my mind was opening. I wasn’t seeing any visions, but this time I was trusting what I was feeling. It was devotion, it was meditation in motion, it was prayer. And it was something more—it was surrender to the divine. And I felt the door open and found that connection I had been searching for my whole life. And it was so easy! It was effortless, once integrated with holiness.

What I was feeling was something different than what was in my study materials from the University of Metaphysics. I was in this euphoric state, like I was rising in the air, like I was levitating and couldn’t keep my feet on the ground. I felt strong. I felt weak. I felt myself transforming. I felt like I was outside myself, and I was just crying buckets of tears. But they were tears of total bliss. I felt absolutely drunk on joy. I was absolutely in the moment—no worries, no fear, just here, just now, just connected to all life. And I was feeling this love that I can’t even begin to describe. It seemed to last forever, but at the same time felt too short. I was trembling with a kind of rapture, and it felt absolutely right!

What had happened was a result of embracing this blog, Forever Evolving Mind, surrendering Victory Infopublishing to the Divine, committing to my evolution, committing to a life of service. It wasn’t even hard to do. There was no battle, no war—just melting surrender of my whole being to the divine. There are no words.

What Works for Me

I’m finding that under some conditions, I can have seated meditation when I do the following. Listening to kirtan or Hindu/Sikh devotional chants, and focus not on candles, but on sacred geometry, trees. I’m not just listening, I tend to have a deep focus on the music, the rhythm, the cadence, the flow, and the worlds of the chant. It’s not seated meditation that was the problem, it was the silence, and worrying about an empty mind, thinking of nothing. ADHD brains don’t work like that! It sound, and images along with seated, and I can connect. My mind stays busy, while I can focus on connecting to the divine inside my mind, and outside of me. It really helps, if the music is devotional. My whole life seems

Radio Taiso also works for me as long as I am listening to music, but not just any music, but music that’s sacred, that’s devotional really seems to hit the sweet spot. It helps if it’s moving, where I’m not worried about makiing the right moves, that it has to be perfect, I have the music to guide me to flowing blessedness. Where the boundaries melt, where I and the music is as one. It’s the sole focus on the moves, though I admit, Radio Taiso is still new to me, so I’m only doing the moves that I can remember. But the music connects it. And it is no longer exercise, but devotion, meditation and prayer in motion. Just being.

I had the idea that Tai Chi would be perfect with kirtan. And what I found, is it not only works, it works to the point where I feel like levitating. Every time. It’s literal bliss for me, and I never expected that. It connects, and everything adds up. I can still cry, remembering how it feels. I can still feel awe, and expansion all at once. I can feel the presence of that immortal soul within me that is part of the Creator. It’s dance, It’s exercise, but above all, it’s prayer. There never seem to be enough words.

I’m finding that I want to do Tai Chi. I look forward to it. It’s not just a chore anymore. It’s a blessing. It’s truly magical.

Another thing that works for me is walking to devotional or atmospheric music. I feel the notes. I become the notes. I blend into the notes, and I just don’t notice that my steps have become smoother. It’s less like walking, than gliding through the air. When I do notice how I’m walking, I’m absolutely amazed. It’s like there’s no resistance, and I”m walking on accord. I find thoughts just come to me when all the chatter is out of the way. The sounds are there, they’re just irrelevant for now. For this moment. I feel lke floating, like my feet aren’t touching the ground.

One day, about 8-10 years ago. I had a paper route and and I took my portable CD player with the album “Songs of Distant Earth” by Mike Oldfield, and I don’t really remember delivering all the papers, but I must have. I was in flow! I was feeling the music. There was nothing but the music. I remember my favorite track, “Magellen” I wasn’t walking, I was floating. I felt holy, fluid. There never seem to be the words to describe it. It felt like I was outside of this Earth. Where there were no limitations, no boundaries. I was seeing, but not seeing. I had connected to somthing, I just didn’t know I did at one time, but this works for me.

I also have the belief that when I join Quigong to the mix it will also be holy, feel right. For me, everything has to be devotional. That was the key that was missing 9 years ago.

Many people might say that the idea is to not have distractions. That you’re supposed to be listening to God or the Universe; however you want to put it. But for me, I am listening. I’m just listening with my heart, my mind, with the tools that I have found.

And multiple sensory inputs distract my mind from expectations. It makes me curious as to find what works, What can emerge, what I can learn, what my mind can learn, what my external soul can learn

My mind loves these tools, but more than loves it, it craves the sacred, the devotional, it’s just not sitting in silence, it’s inviting the Divine in my life. It’s inviting it to come out to play, so converse with me. To teach me.

I don’t have to feel frustrated and expect or ask for the impossible. I don’t have to feel stress, I just focus on and become one with the music, the motions, the sacred geometry. It doesn’t distract. When I’m doing things in devotion, I don’t feel blocked. I feel free, like flying. Glorious flight!

I have found that lost connection, where when one way doesn’t work so well one day, simply switch to another mode, I can change it up. So it’s variety not just the same medium every day. It can vary. I can dance with the divine. The sacred trancedance that unites the Eternal, the Immortal soul to my ego, the external soul, And I can connect! Finally, I can connect! It makes me shake and shiver with the possibilities. And I have union. I feel light in my heart, I see patterns emerging where I never expected to. I “hear” voices telling me deep truths.

Where I Go From Here

So where do I go from here? I keep going. I keep evolving. I keep transforming.

I have found my practice. I have found my way to connect with the Divine. I have found integration—bringing together movement, devotion, and meditation in a way that works perfectly with my ADHD brain and my spiritual hunger.

This isn’t the end of my journey—it’s the beginning of a new chapter. I’ll continue exploring this beautiful fusion of Tai Chi and kirtan, deepening my guitar practice with devotional music, and sharing my discoveries here on Forever Evolving Mind. This blog has become exactly what it was meant to be: a living document of transformation, a testament to the power of surrendering to what truly calls to your soul.

For anyone else out there struggling to find their way—whether with meditation, exercise, spiritual practice, or just feeling like you don’t fit the “normal” molds—know that there is a way that will work for you. It might not look like what everyone else is doing. It might require creativity, integration, and surrender. But when you find it, when that click happens, when that door opens—you’ll know. Your whole being will know.

I’m no longer forcing myself to fit someone else’s idea of the right way. I’m following my own path, guided by the Divine, supported by my spiritual team, and sharing it all with you. This is what it means to have a forever evolving mind—to stay open, to keep growing, to trust the journey even when you can’t see the destination.

The integration continues. The evolution never stops. And I’m finally, truly, home.