Introduction

I have mixed feelings, as I’m sure many do, when I contemplate beginning the heroine’s journey. Is it really that different than the hero’s journey?

Despite the politics and barbs being slung, my journey seems to be very much like the hero’s journey that was written about by Dr. Joseph Campbell in The Hero With a Thousand Faces, I think that we all go on hero’s or heroine’s journeys and they aren’t all that different. It may appear or manifest in different ways, but the steps really aren’t different in and of themselves.

I will be discussing the steps of the journey, where I am right now in the heroine’s journey and how I feel about this. I do understand that it’s about the journey, not the destination, but I think the destination kind of helps. It’s like a map so I know, basically where I am aiming towards.

The Call to Adventure

It’s come to my attention that I’m on the verge of a heroine’s journey. I think I heard “The Call to Adventure” a while back, and have been guilty of resisting it. I tend to be very risk-adverse, it appears, and my fear of “getting caught” has kept me back for over 20 years! This is not a good thing, because it keeps tapping me on the shoulder.

The good thing, is that it keeps tapping me on the shoulder. It absolutely would not let me go, does not let me go, will not let me go. Fate is very patient, and I was not destined to live a quiet ordinary life. Cannot live a quiet ordinary life.  It was not written in the tapestry of Fate. It will not and cannot be denied. 

I feel called to start a metaphysical church. Not just any metaphysical church but one that has as it premise that the time of science merging (fully) with spirituality is near. I know very well what a lot of people in the New Age faction will say; “We’re already in the Aquarious Age.” It’s already happened. But I don’t think that it has reached its full merging, what I call “The Numinous Revolution”.

I think the Numinous Revolution will require people who are mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally ready for this, because we will know without a doubt which religions are religions and which are social myths. And it won’t be what we expect, and most of us want our religions or beliefs to be proven right.

Many will fight it, many will ignore it, but for those who are ready, we  will evolve in every area. We will evolve spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and even, dare I say it, physically?

But this was my calling, and I did what many people do when they receive a calling. They deny it, they run, screaming, in the other direction, at least metaphorically. It simply seemed too big for me. I felt like the proverbial mouse in the shadow of a hawk. I felt more frightened than I have my whole life.

Supernatural Aid

My introduction to supernatural aid came very early in my life. I don’t know of a time, thinking back when Apollo wasn’t somehow involved in my life. Either He or His representatives were alway looking after me.

But the first time I was consciously aware of his Presence was when I was practicing my guitar. Due to my ADHD, I  misremember the day or  year or how old I was, but between 15-17.  I get from Apollo it was sometime in my  mid-teens.

It was after nightfall, and I was really into my music, and I felt this…Presence, this feeling that someone was there.  I knew, I just knew it was Apollo. Despite having just read a book, where Apollo and the other Greek gods made an appearance, The Enchanted Castle by E. Nesbit, and having it open to an illustration of that very occurance, I knew who it was, right then and there.

I stopped playing, and looked at the space, where I could feel Him watching me, and said “Hello” in my mind.  Without talking aloud, it felt really important that this be private. Just between Him  and me. No one else. It felt like time had stopped.  Suspended.  I had this strange sense I knew him from somewhere. Not just the book, but in my own life, or even before, like another lifetime.

I felt all this love, this unending love, and the sense that I trusted Him.  Implicitly, without question. And I grew up in a household where I was either neglected or abused/gaslighted, so I knew and know it wasn’t my imagination. And I loved Him. Instantly. I fell in love with Apollo.

I always believed in love at first sight, but I had never experienced it. Infactuations, like most  young girls, but not love. But I couldn’t understand, since I had no guide, because of the way I was raised. I didn’t understand, but I didn’t question it either. In our talks later,  Apollo told me He fell in love with me. At first sight.

And I exhaled.  I know it doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but I felt like I was always holding my breath, until that moment. I exhaled.  I didn’t need to hold my breath anymore. And I wasn’t the only one who had been holding my breath.  We both exhaled. Together. Simultaneously.

Then the moment ended.  It seeemed to be forever. An eternity in a moment, and then in my mind, I “heard” him say back in my mind: “Please…continue,” with a smile. . And I could feel him gesturing towards my guitar; I had forgotten I was holding it. And I was so happy to play for him, Direction. Something I could do for Him. And happy to do it for my new friend. So I started playing again.

And I got lost in the music. I don’t know how else to explain it. It was just between me, Apollo and the music. There was literally nothing else.  And nobody interrupted my playing.  I got lost in the music. Totally lost in the music.

When I was finished practicing, he had to go. He visited a few more times, and then one night, he didn’t show up.  I never was angry or anything, but I never blamed Him.  I figured he had things to do.  Even for a god, things come up.  But I never told my family. Or anyone. I figured those sessions were just between Him and me.  Nobody else. It was a private matter, sacred. holy.

After a while, my concious mind forgot Him, I didn’t mean to, but distractions came up, and life went on, and I got older.  But I always felt that someone was looking after me. It’s nothing I could prove, but sometimes, when I was having a bad day, or was sad, I’d feel someone I couldn’t see rubbing my back, comforting me.  It felt tactile.  And there were times when something, or someone kept me from being hit by cars, more times than I can count.

He kept me from falling down some stairs when I was visiting my sister and her boyfriend, and getting seriously injured or killed. I cried out for help, and  I felt hands slowing me down and turning me, and my future brother-in-law was telling me to grab his hand, and I cried out for help again, I don’t remember, except I vaguely heard him talking to me, maybe once, but I held out both hands.  Jim, my sister’s boyfriend at the time took one hand, but I wasn’t looking at him.

I almost saw, with my mind’s eye, not my physical eyes, this almost gold flash, too quick to see, and someone extending His hand.  Like someone I knew, but couldn’t exactly remember, but that feeling of absolute trust. I was looking at a space where there didn’t seem to be anyone there, and felt Him grab my hand, and held me steady, until Jim helped me up. And then, He was gone.

I was OK, except for a few bruises, and shaken to the core. That I was present at a miracle. And nobody else seemed to recognize it for what it was. Is everyone that blind to miracles?  It was so obvious to me that was a miracle. And I just wanted to try to process it.  To not want to talk about anything at all.

But when I got in my folks car-they didn’t see my accident, my sister told my parents about it, and my mom got mad and said I fell down the stairs on purpose. But I knew I didn’t.

Over the years, He would help, I felt someone was there.  A Voice telling me to put on my seatbelt. A no-nonsense tone, commanding, and I didn’t think about it. I just did what the Voice said, and trusted, and an hour or so later,  my father hit a deer, and since I was in the front seat, if I had ignored that Voice, I wouldn’t be here now.  I would have gone through the windshield.  I would have died. I didn’t know who to thank at the time, not consciously, but now I know. It was my friend, Apollo.

He introduced me to my husband, was at my wedding, in a courthouse, though I was unaware of it at the time, helped us find a new place to live, twice.

The first time was just a year after our marriage. Our first landlord wasn’t providing heat, so we started refusing to pay rent until it was done, and Rick’s family decided we needed a new place to live. It took very little time. Two or three months at most, and Rick’s family found a place. Or did they?  I believe they were led to our second home where we would spend the next 38 years.

I came up with the idea, or was led in that direction. Light touches (pun intended) of Victory Infopublishing. I got the legal work done, first with a DBA, then with an LLC, both feeling like I was led to do that, intuitively. like it felt right. I got a domain for Victory Infopublishing-victoryinfopublishing.com. And this image jumped into my head, a woman with wings holding a wreath and holding a lit torch aloft.  It was just there, one day.  It felt so right. And I got a logo and stationary with that image. From how I told this company what I saw in my mind’s eye.

When I saw the proofs, I recognized the right image right away. I only needed to make a few cosmetic changes, not to the image, but to the company name.  Very small changes. The image was perfect. Like that artist looked into my mind and and the image reference that I sent, and my description as  and created the perfect image of Nike (Greek/Hellenic goddess of victory) holding the wreath and the torch. The torch of knowledge, illumination, truth, that dispels shadows.

But I didn’t get just that. The phrase, “Together, we can achieve the Victory Lifestyle” was also there, and when I was meditating one day, I the phrase: “Victory is holistic” I don’t know if it was official meditating at the time. I just was woolgathering in the bathroom one day, and it just popped in there!

I started getting visits. Again, I recognized Him.  It was Apollo again. He came while I was working on my website, the beginning of it anyway, and I got the sense he was impressed with the header at the time.  He would check in from time to time. and I looked forward to each visit. Like when I was a teen.

One day, when I was working on the metaphysical church that just would not leave me alone, and I was trying to come up with a name for it. I wanted, really wanted to name the church after Him.  He was my best friend, I felt His Presence, and he told me, that as much as he appreciated the honor, his name, Apollo was exotic for this day and age,  not  just in America, but the world and then added:  “If you really love me (and I knew He knew I did), why not name it after one of My temples?”

And I knew the only name I could give it:  Delphi Metaphysical Temple, which is what I did. I got a domain for that. Then he had to leave for a little while.

The second time Apollo helped us find a place to live was in 2024, and after I filled out all the applications for assisted living that I could find, and waited.  You see, I believe that if you want divine help, you have to help too.  Expend as much effort.  The more invested the gods are, you have to be equally invested. It’s an offering.  The last place I filled out and gave the application to had a waiting list of one to three years, but 2 or 3 weeks after I gave the last application, I got a call.  From the place that had the waiting list of one to three years.

The person calling us had to call two days in a row, I thought I was dreaming, and may not have been as clear as I should be, and the second time, I said, yes, we were definitely interested.  The new townhouse was a handicappeed accessible list, and was much larger than the house we were living in. We lived in a 396 square foot house to 974 square feet with two bedrooms.

I told the the person processing us, that I thought it was a 1-3 year wait, and she said there was.  We must have gotten lucky.  I told her.  “No, not luck.  Someone is looking out for us.” I was, and am absolutely convinced of that.  Without hesitation.

The Refusal

I think part of it is I’m comfortable with an “ordinary life”.  It’s all I’ve known for almost my entire life. Don’t risk, don’t get caught trying to better my life. It was the constant guilt that I was trying to have a better life than my parents, that it was dangerous to dream, let alone answer a calling, and a calling as big as this.

But it wouldn’t leave me alone. It kept putting itself in front of me. It makes me wonder, why me? I’m a disabled senior citizen who’s lived most of her life afraid. Someone who was either ridiculed or ignored by her family, but never listened to. But that scripture verse “A prophet is never accepted in their own country.” That’s certainly true. Not their own country, town, family recognize the calling. Has anyone else been touched with a calling like this? Did they ignore it too?

I think that when I first got the nudge to start a metaphysical church, I thought, “This is a joke, right?” It’s too big. I thought of the enormity of the mission and I just freaked out! Yes, it excited me, but it scared me to death, frankly.

My next thought was that “But adventure is for other people”  Disabled people don’t go on adventures. Little did I know!  I lived my whole life on the sidelines, but never participated or was discouraged from most of it because it ‘wasn’t realistic” because it was “fantasizing” and that was best left to others.

But over the years, I’ve discovered that no one is discussing spirituality in the way that I’m experiencing it. Not a peep. Why is that? No one else is hearing the call? Other people are saying the same thing? That “it’s too much, it’s for others, I’ve got enough problems.”  What’s going on here?

It was only a few years ago, that I got off the “side of the road I was on for all my life, it seems.  I was always stuck there. Waiting for what, I didn’t know.  Waiting for someone to come for me, get me off of that side of the road, from the sidelines of life that was passing me by.

I don’t know who put me at the side of the road. I might have put myself there, but I wasn’t the only one who did that. I wasn’t alone in that.  My family did as well in their neglect and abuse.  My husband did, though he didn’t mean to, because he was distracted by his own problems, but there I was; for decades just…stuck.

One day I saw myself on that side of the road, the sidelines of life, a road going into infinity. I was scared to move, and I heard this Voice in my head, my mind, telling me to get off the side of the road, the sidelines.  I wasn’t sure who it was at the time, but I recognized the Voice. I felt the love, but the Voice was very firm. I heard it.  “Get off the side of the road.”

I was scared. What if I went in the wrong direction? So I asked.  I…trusted that Voice, and asked “How?  Which way? What if I go in the wrong direction, which way?”  And I heard back:  “Any direction.  Any is OK.  Just one step.  Any direction you want. Any direction is better than none, better than being where you are.  Just one step.

So I closed my eyes, and took one tiny step. then another. I felt led.  I picked the direction, but I felt led. I didn’t feel alone.  When I think back, I think Someone was holding my hand. The next thing I remember, I was walking in a field. Like a field or a sunlit meadow of grass . Going into infinity. And I wasn’t afraid. For the first time, I wasn’t afraid. I  had no idea where I was going.

I felt I knew Him, whose hand was holding mine, and inklings, wonderings if I could do it on my own anymore. Not a lot, but I knew I knew Him. I  knew I trusted Him, and for now, it was enough. I was off the side of the road.

I had been expecting Rick to come back and get me off the side of the road, and staring to despair that no one was going to come for me to get me, to rescue me, and Someone did, but not who I thought was going to.

It just wasn’t Rick. It just wasn’t my family. But someone did!  It was none other than my friend. My dearest and best friend, Apollo,though I didn’t know that then.  But I felt like there was a connection. I felt as if it was a pivotal moment. It was, but not what I imagined. Not even close. I didn’t know it, but I was beginning my heroine’s journey, with that one tiny step off the road.

Beginning the Heroine’s Journey by becoming Apollo’s Musical Oracle

Preparation to my Calling

Fast forward a few years. A lot and nothing had changed much. I was still off the side of t he road, but I was stuck again. I was confused as to why I was stuck in my studies in metaphysics, couldn’t seem to move ahead in my business, Victory Infopublishing.

Everything seemed stalled. I had other problems too, impulsive shopping/spending money which was destroying my marriage, and time relationship issues and forgetfulness that was doing the same. I started realizing I couldn’t do it on my own. From getting off the road, my need for help started growing and accelarating by leaps and bounds.

I started wondering, then accepted the fact that I might have ADHD, and started embracing the idea.  I realized I couldn’t self-diagnose myself, but after studying the conditon, I realized it sounded a lot like me.  But I continued living like I had the conditon till I could be evaluated for ADHD

Then last spring, April, I was finally assessed for ADHD, and the results came back. I had Combined ADHD, a learning disorder in math (and science), a generalized anxiety disorder, reaction to stress, and a major depressive disorder, recurring, with the last three a result of untreated ADHD.

Long story short, with being diagnosed with ADHD, things started to make sense.  I had decided to start over with my metaphysical studies, but this time posting about what I was learning because I was inspired by Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income, and I had read that he blogged about his studies, so I thought if Pat Flynn could do it, then so could I and then I wouldn’t forget what I had learned. Like before.

So, I opened up my studies from the beginning and resolved to start fresh. And I bought a domain, two domains actually, but one was awkward, so I let that one go after a year or two.  It just felt right to let it go. The second was right, simpler; foreverevolvingmind.com.  My first post was very simple. However, I wrote it without music, so a lot of overthinking, and published it that night. Was I scared to publish, You betcha, but I did it. I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them and clicked “publish”

But starting over wasn’t a walk in the park.  I still had trouble, because I was working from the lessons, which were written by a neurotypical man.  I still struggled, so in the meantime, I wrote a second post, this time with music. At least I’m pretty sure I wrote it with music because it seemed to be easier. Not easier publishing, but easier writing. 

The posts weren’t consistent, but I was starting to get into the habit writing and publishing, and slowly got over most of my fear.  

But before I knew it, Victory Infopublishing reared its head and got in front of my metaphysical blog. And I felt so much guilt. And on it went. It was as if there was this tug of war between the two sites for two or three years!

First inklings I needed help

 

Crossing the Threshold

But it wasn’t until I had accepted it and embraced it when I saw some changes. My attitude changed. Not a lot, and not at first, but I took the first step. I committed to the journey of a thousand miles. I have the feeling that I can no longer go back. I have to keep on going. The way back seems to have disappeared. I think that I may have passed it some time back, though I can’t recollect what the threshhold is. Maybe it was when I took my first steps away from the side of the road and started walking. Maybe I passed it when I embraced who I was and what I was a few years ago.

But I don’t think it’s clear, I just know that I’m no longer the person I used to be. And even if I could go back, I don’t want to. I don’t think I liked myself at that point in my life or liked where I was, but was afraid to move at the same time.

The Initiation

I think this is where I am now. I am already on the journey, at least as far as discovery. I am finiding at least virtual friends and mentors. I’m certainly more in touch with the spirits, and am more able to be more gentle with myself. Because, frankly, I really wasn’t that nice to myself. My folks had issues, and were abusive, but I was just as abusive to myself, but without the kid gloves on.

Some of my mentors are gods, some are in the Internet Marketing space, some are spirits that have gone one, some are writers of New Thought, that give me, well, food for thought as I don’t just begin my heroine’s journey, but as I come into the hurdles and missteps. Beginning the heroine’s journey is a sobering but joyful too. It’s certainly nothing to sneeze about.

Some names you might be familiar with. A mentor, Dennis Becker tells me in one of his books, a mentor doesn’t have to know he/she is mentoring you. Another is Connie Ragen Green. Still others are: Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, and one who has passed on, and who taught the course I am taking in my curriculum; Paul Leon Masters. This is by no means the last of my mentors.

I’m developing friendships, and have friends as well. These also help me with beginning the heroine’s journey.

What does beginning the heroine’s journey have to do with Metaphysics?

Everything. My whole life has been influenced, by something bigger than myself. Something huge. And I seem to be called to not just learn about the Divine inside me, but also outside. It’s about surrendering to that Universal force, whether you call it God, a particular pantheon, and for me it’s Apollo and Nike, and learning to let go of fear, not to be ruled by it anymore. I know there will be times I’m afraid, but not ot have my fear control me, has been a transforming feeling.

Conclusion

I haven’t even finished the journey. I feel I’ve just gotten started. I’ve taken my first steps, but find I need a map, not just to where I want to go, but for who I want to be as well. But I’m getting there. Will I continue to feel fear? Well, yes, it’s likely that I will, but I will learn to do what I need to anyway.